Yesterday morning was tough. I remember the days I used to clean my house before going to work and still have time to curl my long hair and put on my make-up. Now I come to work with dirty dishes in my sink, cow-licks in my mom bob and NO make-up on my face.
Am I losing myself in motherhood?
Yesterday, I over slept 15 minutes. Instead of getting up at my usual 5:15am, I hit snooze on my alarm for just 15 more minutes of rest. Usually this gives me enough time to get myself ready for work and Ava all set for daycare.
Lately, Ava has been waking up earlier and wanting all of my attention. If I don't give it to her she just screams and cries on the kitchen floor. Yesterday morning I didn’t have the time to give her all of my attention. Trying to ignore her crying so I could get ready was tough. So tough! My daughter has never really been the type to want to be held or cuddled and now she wants to and it’s during the busiest time of our day.
I left for work yesterday looking like a hot mess and just feeling awful. I wondered if I was losing myself in motherhood. What happened to the days I had time to get myself ready and take care of me? Is that what really bothered me? No, I was sad I couldn’t give my daughter the attention she wanted and deserved. That’s what bothered me.
After sharing my morning with two of my best friends they gave me some of the best advice. They told me that, “It’s hard to not hold them when they cry, even if it’s not the best time or for the best reason. Hold her and look like a hot mess. This is just a season that will pass way too quickly.” One day I will wish we were in this season.
So am I losing myself in motherhood? The answer is no. It felt like it for a short time yesterday but the truth is, I just woke up late.
Side note: This morning I woke up early and things were MUCH better! I had time for me AND Ava. I mean I did go to bed at 7:30 pm but hey, who’s keeping track?