This past weekend we took Ava on her first beach trip. That meant my first time in a bathing suit with my postpartum body. I had all sorts of mixed emotions leading up to the day. It was definitely a roller coaster of highs and lows. As I confessed on Confessional Thursday these were some of my thoughts of the whole “mommy bathing suit with my postpartum body.”
I tried on bathing suit after bathing suit! I wanted a tankini but I am so short that the tops are always so long. I look awful in a one piece so I thought I would try the high waist bikini bottoms (which I ended up really liking). I also discovered that you should try bathing suits on early in the day when you aren’t so bloated AND make sure to have your hair done and make-up on. It always seems to make things look better and makes me feel better. After trying on several bathing suits and going to the store multiple times I finally found one I liked.
Even then I told myself that if I just stood majority of the time or laid flat in my chair then my kangaroo pouch wouldn’t roll over and things would be great! I even went back and forth about staying in my cover up the whole time or wearing shorts. I couldn’t understand why I was obsessing over the thought of being in a bathing suit. Joey and I have been working really hard on eating healthy and treating ourselves every now and then. I am below my pre-pregancy weight but my body just isn’t the same anymore. Other moms had warned me about this. I still have that little kangaroo pouch where Ava grew for 9 months in my body. In reality, I should consider it more of like a trophy for giving birth and display it proudly. But lets be honest…no one wants to see that mess. I realized that I needed to do sit ups or something to be able to tone it up, but thats not going to happen over night and I was heading to the beach in a few days.
Time had passed and it was beach day! I put on my bathing suit, got Ava ready, and off we went. We set our things down, took our family beach picture and let the fun begin. I sat in the sand with Ava while she played and played. She loved the sand! I took hundreds of pictures of her as I watched her experience the beach for the first time. My heart was so happy and filled with so much joy. We had one of the best days!
When we got back to our hotel that’s when it hit me. I never once worried about what I looked like in my bathing suit or second guessed sitting in the sand with Ava. I didn’t worry about whether or not my fat rolls were showing as I was sitting. All the worries and insecurities went away. I realized that day wasn’t about me anymore it was about Ava and being a mother to such a beautiful and amazing little miracle. It was the most empowering feeling in the world. I felt confident, beautiful, strong, loved, and blessed. It was like I was in a state of euphoria.
Yes, I found a bathing suit that I felt comfortable in and I have lost weight so that all helped. But in reality women of any size and shape can always find something that makes them insecure. The thing that truly helped me in this situation was focusing on my purpose in life. That purpose being the best wife I can be to the man of my dreams, and the best mom to the most precious little girl. When I focused on those things all the insecurities went away. I felt like the confident and strong wife and mother that I am meant to be. I felt BEAUTIFUL!