Sharing the good, the bad and the really ugly today including some things I'm not proud of.
Day 1 - Today was hard. Much harder than I thought. The book and people I’ve talked to have said that day one isn’t too bad. It was bad, really bad for me. It was very self reflective. Honestly, I didn’t realize how dependent I am on sugar or how many sweets I consume in a day. I realized today that I usually have a sweet when I first get up, a sweet mid morning, one after lunch, one late afternoon and one before bed. Ya’ll!! That’s a problem! I think I cried today. On my way to school I thought about buying a box of Little Debbie cakes, you know the Valentine heart ones they have right now and eating like 5 of them. I didn’t! No worries. Here’s to hoping tomorrow is better. Oh and my husband and I agreed to not take anything we say to each other personal during these 30 days.
Day 2- Today was even harder. It started off really good. Black coffee with almond milk isn’t my fave but it will do. Breakfast was good, lunch was good and I didn’t have to eat an RX bar first thing in the morning for my “fix”. Today I went to see my chiropractor and have a massage. That was really nice. Usually on my way there I stop and get a large diet cherry limeade from Sonics, but I didn’t this time. On my way home I stopped at Publix to pick up some Primal Whole30 friendly ranch (it’s gross). That’s when it all came crashing down. I was immediately smacked in the face with the smell of heavenly fresh bread. All I wanted was a loaf of white mountain bread. Just one loaf, nothing to go with it. I passed it up for some $13 grapes. Then at the check out I lingered the beverage chest for a couple of minutes pacing back and forth. I wanted to call my husband to see if he had been drinking diet Mountain Dews and if he had I was going to get ME a diet Sprite. I didn’t and of course he’s been good. I checked out with some more RX bars, grapes, some nasty ranch, and salsa that I thought was ok to eat until I got home and realized it was made with cane sugar. Seriously?
When I got home the sugar in the salsa set me off and I just started crying. I HATE this Whole30 mess. It’s so hard. I had a stressful day at work and all I want to do is eat my feelings away to make me feel better. I kept hoping my husband would tell me that it was ok and we didn’t need to do this Whole30 thing but no luck there. I wiped my tears away and continued cooking dinner. We had buffalo chicken stuffed baked potatoes. The whole time cooking dinner Ava kept saying, “Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy,” at least a 1,000 times. Even when I answered her she still did it. She’s in this phase I guess. I wanted to sneak in the pantry (like I usually do) and dip a large marshmallow into my jar of Nutella because that always cures things (not really).
It was time to sit down for dinner and eat. It didn’t taste good to me at all! In fact if I see another buffalo chicken stuffed potato on the internet I’m might scream. That seems to be one of the Whole30 go to’s or at least what I keep pinning. See, it’s probably actually a really good meal but because my tongue is still healing from the cough drops I ate last week while I was sick, anything spicy or highly seasoned with pepper or even a little salt burns the heck out of my tongue. Just my luck! I sat down at the table with my potato and spinach, no chicken, and my husband mentioned I didn’t have a protein on my plate. There they started again, the tears came pouring out. I told him, I didn’t like dinner, I don’t like any of the food and this is all I have and stormed off into Ava’s room to play with her. My poor husband, he has been SO PATIENT AND SO AMAZING!
While playing in Ava’s room my mind got away from the struggles I was having, but I still had hoped my husband would tell me we could stop. He didn’t. I eventually closed myself in our bedroom and let the tears come rolling out. I boohooed and let it all out. This mess is tough and it’s ONLY DAY 2!!! What was I thinking doing this while I’m pregnant? I texted some of my friends to vent and for support and just like my husband they were amazing. One of them suggested to go back and read my Whole30 book and continue to understand the process. Once again I wiped my tears, went back into the living room, enjoyed some family time and then got my book out to read through it.
To me in those moments it did feel like this Whole30 Challenge was ridiculous and not worth it. I was unhappy, cranky, angry, not nice to my husband, and couldn’t live life with my favorite foods. No chocolate, no ranch, no bread, no cheese, no rice, no beans. What the heck? But then I read the book and did some more research. Whole30 isn’t saying you can’t live life without those things, they aren’t even saying if they are good or bad for you, because they don’t know. Only our bodies know. They’re saying to give up those things for 30 days. Just 30 days, which to me does feel like forever but it really isn’t. They say for 30 days detox you body from these certain things and then at the end of the 30 days reintroduce them systematically one at a time to see what they do to your body. Does sugar cause me to have anxiety and to feel yucky? Lord, I hope not. Or maybe just too much sugar will do that too me. Does dairy cause me to be bloated or give me headaches? What food might be causing inflammation in my back that may be causing this pain I’m having. Maybe that pain will go away or minimize.
Here, I was thinking Whole30 has ruined my life, but it hasn’t. It’s made it hard but it’s not ruining my life. If anything it’s causing me to really reflect on my diet and on the challenges I have with food. This makes me uncomfortable and vulnerable and I don’t like it. I hate it. It makes me want to quit but I’m not. At least I haven’t so far. Haha…I know its only day 2. I am so unbelievably thankful for my husband. If it wasn’t for him I would have eaten the whole box of animal crackers in my pantry last night and then felt disgusting and defeated today.
One of my favorite lines from the Whole30 book is this, “It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Quitting heroin is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard.”
My To Do List Moving Forward:
Side note: If you’re trying Whole30 or even considering it I HIGHLY RECOMMEND buying the book. It has helped me so much. You can find it here.
Have any Whole30 recipes? Send them my way!
Are you trying Whole30? How's it going?