This week has been a little hard with Ava’s ears. Her tubes started draining last week with a thick yellowish discharge which is normal. That means her tubes are working. Then it turned to a brownish color, and a few days later we received a call from daycare saying she had a bloody, yellowish discharge draining from her ears. They were concerned about the blood and the amount of discharge. It was now getting on her clothes.
So now, it’s been a few days and Ava still has the bloody discharge coming from her ears. Last night, was really tough. I just felt so helpless. She’s only 17 months old so it’s not like she can tell me how she is feeling or if she’s any pain. I mean, I think she’s ok. She seems to be acting normal. Of course she’s a little fussy but I would be too. I just worry about what it’s doing to her ears and her hearing and I want to be able to just stop it. I want to be able to fix it for her but I can’t.
This helpless feeling as a parent is just awful. I know there are many others who are experiencing harder things with their children than bloody discharge from an ear. Some are seeing their children fight cancer or diseases that make them terribly ill. For some it could be a broken arm or leg, bullying issues at school or an illness that has been going on forever. Whatever the situation is, big or small that feeling of helplessness is painful. Especially when you are a Mrs. Fix-it and want to fix everyones’ problems.
As I sat in our living room last night after putting Ava to bed I allowed tons of “what ifs” to fill my head. Then as my feeling of helplessness grew more and more I told myself, “No! You are not going to do this to yourself Anna!”
So what did I do?
First, I stepped away from Google!
Then, I got in the kitchen and baked some cookies. Baking relieves my stress and sweets always make things better.
After that, I sat down and just prayed about it. I asked God to take it from me and to bring me peace. I asked him to put his healing hands over Ava and to send some angels her way. I continued to pray for Ava and for everyone else in my life and thanked God for the many blessings in my life. Eventually my prayers took that helpless feeling away from me and in my soul I found peace.
By this time the oven timer went off and it was time to devour some warm chocolate chip cookies!
We will continue to pray for Ava and the doctors over her care and when that helpless feeling comes rolling in again, I will do as I did last night. I will pray.
What do you do when you feel helpless as a parent?